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Movie Review: SPIDER-MAN 3


Let's just start out by saying that I'm a HUGE Spiderman fan. Ever since I was little when the 90's animated series was on, I would watch and read anything Spiderman. I got plenty of comics and loved everyone of them. I just wish I could have more! Anyway, back to the main point of this review: Spiderman 3. This was one of my most anticipated movies of all time (along with the previous two) but I had confidence in the filmmakers to not disappoint. Did they? Not even a little. Spiderman 3 is one of the most putrid piles of steaming shit I've seen in years. And even THAT's putting it lightly.

There are so many bad things about this movie that I can't help but want to cry thinking about it. The previous two films were so great and just monumental as comic book movies and as movies in general. They had great character development, breathtaking action scenes, well handled drama, subtle humor and damn good acting. Now take ALL of that and completely take it away, add cheesy dialogue, character "underdevelopment", over the top humor, cringe worthy drama, and underwhelming action scenes, and there you have Spiderman 3.

Now first off, is the story. What a jumbled mess. I don't even know if I would consider it a story it's so convoluted and bad. There are so many intersecting storylines that it's really hard to make sense of it all. It jumps from one storyline to another to another and the entire time and left me thinking "What was the point of that?" And trust me, you'll be asking yourself that many times throughout the duration of the film. One subplot that seemed completely useless other than to show off the amazing effects was the Sandman AKA Flint Marko. He was in there to...I mean for...he had this...wait, why in the hell was he in this? What part did he play in the whole scheme of things? Oh wait nothing. The writers (which by the way, should be shot for their stupidity) decided that, in order to add him into the movie, HE was the one that killed Uncle Ben. What a load of shit! That's called the writers being extremely lazy.

Another thing that I felt the writers felt complied to use was the whole New Goblin subplot. It seems like he was just there because the end of the second showed Harry finding his fathers Goblin stash. I was very disappointed in how they handled the character overall. They seemed to just have him in there just to help Peter out in the end. His character would have been a complete waste if not for Franco but I'll get to that later.

The Peter/Mary Jane subplot was just hard to watch. You could tell that they both hated each other (the actors) and it carried over to the characters. Their performances were stale when they were with each other and just uninspired. I disliked MJ's selfishness on her career and her not even realizing how difficult a job being Spiderman is for Peter. I mean, in the end of the second, she was willing to make sacrifices but now suddenly she only cares about herself. Again, this is a case of bad writing.

Probably the only part of the story that I did really like was the Eddie Brock/Venom storyline. Eddie was likable at first, and if I had known nothing about the story or his character in the comics then I would end up thinking he was a good guy. I think this is more credit to Topher Grace than to the writers. When he turned into Venom my heart was racing and I could wait to see what he would do. They didn't show him as much as I would have liked but I still loved every second of celluloid he was in. The look of him was top notch. One thing I didn't like about his character was the fact that when he was Venom he didn't refer to himself as "We" like in the comics but he refers to himself as "I". I really disliked that part and YET AGAIN, that's the writers not knowing what they're doing.

One point of the story that could have been done much better (that my dad also helped the idea along with) was the ending of the film. Instead of how it went down Mary Jane should've been killed by Harry near the middle. Gwen Stacey should've been put in the same predicament as MJ was in the end because Venom has a reason for that: Revenge on both Gwen and Peter. Plus, since half the fans already hate MJ as it is, they could've made the end more dramatic with people worrying about Gwen. But of course, the writers decide to screw it all up, and make a very unclimactic ending.

Looking back on all of the different problems with the storyline and the characters made me think "Did the writers even WATCH the other two films?" "Did they even READ the comics?" I was quite angry at how the characters suddenly had different motives as to what they had in the other films. And the new characters either had motives to try to make them likable (the Sandman being a criminal to get money for his terminally ill daughter) which just showed that the writers can develop characters properly. Or the new ones were completely underused (Gwen Stacey was in it for a total of five minutes and she could have been a great character.)

Now onto the acting. Usually the Spiderman films are staples for great acting in an action movie but of course this one fails to impress. Tobey Mcguire even fails to deliver a great performance which he does in the others. I was quite disappointed in that fact. Kirsten Dunst, as usual, gives a horrible performance and the bad expressions made me annoyed beyond belief. James Franco gives a tremendous performance. He balances out the two different Harry's he must play: The mean "goblin" Harry and the nice amnesiac Harry. I liked both though the darker one this time around was great to watch, though I must say I definitely liked seeing Harry as a nice guy again. J.K. Simmons again hits it out of the park as J. Jonah Jameson but honestly who would have thought other wise.

As for the newcomers, Thomas Hayden Church does a tremendous job with the little that he is given as the Sandman. I really appreciated how much depth he tried to add to the character but not much can be done to a character who is so contradictory in his actions that it's hard to even be plausible. Next comes my favorite performance which surprisingly comes from Topher Grace. He gives a very believable performance as the desperate photographer Eddie Brock. His turn as Venom is menacing and I loved every minute of it. The voice should have been altered a little but it was still damn good. Bryce Dallas Howard does such a good job as the small role as Gwen Stacey. I loved her but honestly, who couldn't?

Onto the effects. I knew going into this that the film would have top notch effects that would make any fanboy cream his pants. Was I right? Most of the time. There were some shots where it looked a little iffy but most of the time it was believable. The sand effects were great and I particularly loved the transformation scene where he's falling apart. Very well done. Every scene with Venom looked great and he was definitely the best villain of the series. I just wish they would have focused the whole movie on his character rather than having three villains. Oh well, there's always the fourth.

One thing that bothered me throughout the entire film was the music. It just didn't fit. It made the whole film make less of an impact. I really think Christopher Young shouldn't get another job after this. He made certain dramatic scenes completely corny because he put in atrocious music. And then, with action scenes, the score just didn't fit at all. In the other two films, the score added depth to the action bits, but in this it took away from it. It sort of ruined a lot of the experiences and I really hope Elfman feels bad for leaving after having to listen to this other guys horrid music.

Something else that was certainly not very well done was the out of place humor. There were way too many added bits that just didn't fit well with the film as a whole. Peter strutting down the street after being attached to the symbiote and shaking his hips at hot girls as they passed. It felt like a scene from a disco movie, not Spiderman. Another scene was the bar room dance scene which was so cringe worthy that I looked away at one point. I wanted to just walk out at that point. Another part was the random shots of the newswoman and the crowd during the intense battle with Venom. I mean Jesus Christ. That was completely unnecessary. Same with Jameson buying the camera off the girl. Completely pointless.

The directing in this film was...well it hurts me to say bad things about Sam Raimi but I've got to say, he dropped the ball on this one. He had stylish shots and such but he's also responsible for the whole look of the film overall. And I must say that he failed to execute. I mean did he realize that he would actually need to EXPLAIN the whole symbiote thing. He didn't explain how Brock knew everything about Peter and knew exactly where to find Mary Jane. That's a combination of bad writing, which this film has plenty of, and a poor job on Raimi's part. Now another thing which I would like to address before wrapping this up would be the atmosphere of the film. The trailers showed this great dark dramatic film that would be a film of epic proportions. The movie itself was campy, light, over the top and just not very good. It was poorly written, badly acted, horribly scored, and just a bad time. What a disappointment...


Movie Review: GRINDHOUSE


One movie that definitely seems to be another victim of "overhype". Now, I'm not saying that this film wasn't amazing but it was definitely a step below what it should have been...a masterpiece. It didn't execute in many places where it should have. Now, I know all about how Quentin was the one who came up with this idea and that just disappoints me more. Later you'll find out why...

Planet Terror

Now if the entire film had brought to the table what Planet Terror had done, then this would've been the best movie in years. But alas, things didn't go the right route. Rodriguez definitely knows what he's doing and he shows it here with stylish camera angles, tremendous action, over the top gore, nudity, and Freddy Rodriguez kicking all kinds of zombie ass.

Going into it, you can definitely tell that this is a Robert Rodriguez flick. The certain tone and atmosphere he sets up in all of his films is well established here within the first twenty seconds of celluloid. We see Rose McGowen give a genuine striptease which if you are a male with a pulse, then you will love it. The names in this are classic too. There's Cherry, El Wray, and my favorite The Rapist.

The gore in this is so over the top, that when a person gets shot in the arm, a pint of blood sprays out. I kid you not. The violence here is so plentiful that, if you're like me, you'll be salivating at the mouth. We get heads chopped off, balls ripped off, nasty gunshot wounds, melting genitalia, bubbling faces, and one hell of a great decapitation due to a gunshot.

And for you males out there we get some great shot of Stacey Furgeson bending over doing here thing while she shows off ample cleavage, and well, everything else that that girl has. Rose McGowen struts around with not only a machine gun leg, but also a nice little skimpy outfit. Like I mentioned earlier, McGowen does a striptease not do be missed.

One thing that makes this film so great are the wonderful performances given by each member of the cast. There is not one poor performance in this segment of the film. Freddy Rodriguez does a stand up job and I'm quite happy to say that he's one of my new favorite actors. Rose McGowen takes home my award for Best Actress in this flick because she portrays everything with such realism that you can't help but relate to her character. Out of the many small roles in this film my favorite would have to be Naveen Andrews. He does a phenomenal job and I wish I could get more of him.

The gritty look of the real "grindhouse" films are in full swing with the film scratched up, burnt, dust particles covering it, and the classic "missing reel" bit. Even if you weren't alive in this era, the look will take you back to good ol exploitation films. I was also lucky enough to view this in a small theater with very few people scattered throughout, so the illusion was full swing.

This is definitely my favorite of the two segments and one of the best times I've had at the theater. This film has all that I want in a movie including gore, babes, action, and subtle humor. I laughed, I cringed, I screamed (on the inside), and I fucking loved every minute of it.


Death Proof
Now onto the lesser of the two segments, Mr. Tarantino's little bit known as "Death Proof". Talk about a pretentious movie. The first fourty or so minutes are nothing but some annoying characters (Ladd, Ferlito, Poitier) yacking about getting pot, and this girls radio show. It's some of the most mundane, uninteresting, and just plain stupid dialogue. The second group of girls is a little better (Winstead, Dawson, Bell) but their dialogue is still dumb and...dumb. I do like them more since it has Winstead who, if you know me, you know my obsession.

Now, this film isn't all just dumb characters, and horrible dialogue, there are some tremendous car chase sequences. The first being a small bit where a car crashes into another causing many different shots of absolute carnage. As a gore fan I loved it, but it didn't touch on the stuff in "Planet Terror". Next came the best car chase shown on film. There has never been anything like this before and there never will be. The final car chase is a shining example of how Tarantino's isn't a complete waste of space. Zoe Bell does great work here, doing absolutely death defying stunts. The camera work is ridiculously good, making it go in places where I never would have thought possible.

One thing that Tarantino definitely dropped the ball on was the look of the film. Like "Planet Terror" this was supposed to have dust, scratches and burns but in most of the film, the picture with clear and crisp. With the exception of a 'missing reel' bit which came out of nowhere, there was barely anything to make it look like a 60's or 70's movie like it was supposed to. It looked like something that came out this year. Talk about being too full of himself.

The acting is absolutely atrocious in parts which makes me wonder why the hell people would cast these morons. Of the first group of girls, the only one with an ounce of talent is Vanessa Ferlito who always delivers great performances even in the smallest roles. The rest are a complete waste of space. Ladd gives a cute but flimsy performance but doesn't have much to do or to work with. I already know how she got the role though, a little friend called Eli Roth. And anyone that says that Sydney Tamiia Poitier can act has to answer to me because she's one of the worst actresses I've seen. She doesn't have one millionth of the talent of her father.

Now, the second group of girls isn't nearly as bad. Rosario Dawson gives good performance though she doesn't have that much to work with (which I am VERY disappointed in Tarantino for not having good characters). Tracie Thoms does the impossible by becoming one of the most annoying characters in the history of film. Her vocabulary doesn't span much further than 'fuck' and dozens of racial jokes. She also manages to be one of the dumbest characters (hmm...how about you STOP when someones trying to kill you with a fucking car!) She's atrocious in every part of the movie she's in. As much as I hate to say it, Mary Elizabeth Winstead is pretty bad in this. I'll admit it even though I'm crazy about her but she didn't do good. Then again she also had nothing to work with whatsoever. Nothing but horrible lines were given to her and her character was just a no brain "actress". The definite standout was Zoe Bell. She took on the role like a pro and handled it extremely well. Sure, she was playing herself but put in front of a camera, the most real people can look like idiots. Her action bits were absolutely off the wall with insane stunts which she did tremendously.

The best performance in this film (with Zoe following right behind) was of course Kurt Russell. He went back into his "Escape" days and brought insanity back to the screen in a great way. He managed to be absolutely sick and sadistic but so likable. When the third act came, you just wanted him to kill the girls and get his jollies off. His look in the camera bit was priceless and had me laughing my ass off.

Though this is a definite plus for the movie the bad definitely outweighs the good. The horrible dialogue, unlikable characters, and slow pace beat out the amazing car chase sequence unfortunately. Let's hope that Tarantino knows what to do and what not to do with his next film but with my luck, he'll think he's a god again and loose sight of what he's really supposed to do.


The Fake Trailers
This was definitely my favorite of all of the fake trailers made for the film. It had all the basic elements of a great slasher. The out of nowhere and peculiar gore and the great corny dialogue meant to pay homage to all of the great slashers of that age. I particularly loved the trampoline bit. Absolutely legendary! I can't to see the uncut version of that! I loved it every time the narrator would say "Thanksgiving" in a low, monotone voice. Priceless. Roth certainly has some talent and it shows by this trailer. Let's hope he makes movies that are as good as this trailer.


Rodriguez directed this great trailer about a hitman out for revenge. The over the top voice over was great, the gore was funny, and Danny Trejo shows just how much of a badass he is. The random scene with him and the two naked girls in the waterfall was just great and had me laughing like no other. I can only hope that Rodriguez is able to make this into an actual movie.


Edgar Wright spoofs pretty much everything you can spoof in this crazy trailer. Is it a ghost, slasher, cannibal, or demon movie? I guess only Wright knows for sure but I know I loved it for what it was, a great little spoof of everything I love. Great cameos from Nick Frost and Jeremy Irons make this all the better.


Werewolf Women of the S.S.
Zombies trailer was definitely the weakest of the four. It had some funny little moments (Nic Cage's cameo was priceless. It also had Sheri Moon Zombie looking gorgeous but when doesn't she? The idea was intriguing but this was just poorly executed. It tried to be too hip and cool and it just failed completely.


Overall the experience was fun and enjoyable. Death Proof definitely brought everything down with it's horrible dialogue and characters but Planet Terror brought it up with it's tremendous characters, great dialogue, and gore off the whazzoo! Go see this movie now and you won't regret it...too much.


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