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The Crimson Summer - The Donny Chapters (unedited)



I always intended to release these chapters but I was just never sure when it would be best. Well, I can't think of anytime better than Friday the 13th to debut some chapters that really pained me to cut from the final novel. Anyone that has read the published book and the very early draft on this website may have noticed that there is a character missing. Donny. Well he's been found!

Originally he was set up to be a red herring, but after the story evolved, I felt that his role in the story had become convoluted and unnecessary. While it wasn't the easiest choice, and you should be able to tell why, I knew that things needed to get going a little bit faster. So I simply deleted the Donny chapters. I always had the intention of putting them online but they also weren't put through the ringer editing-wise.

Now just because these chapters are "deleted" that doesn't mean that I simply deleted the character; he still exists in the world of Camp Watanka and is still mentioned by characters, even if not by name. This is really just giving a little more meat to the world of Watanka (and there may be an extra kill in there too-Shhh!!) so I truly hope you enjoy.

PS. You can tell by the numbering below as to where the chapters fall chronologically within the novel. So feel free to plug these chapters in while you're reading to get context.

Chapter 4.5: “Donny”



Is this bitch serious? Donny thought to himself, gritting his teeth as the woman up front droned on and on. The overexcited lady, who repeatedly introduced herself as Carol—reaching fifteen times by Donny's last count—stood at the front of Donny's line spouting off nonsense. The amount of positive affirmations and peppy spirit was making Donny almost vomit. This was unlike anything he had ever experienced.
How can anyone be this happy? This shit is not healthy. I think her face is about to explode into rainbows and sunshine.
The more she went on, the more Donny started to cringe, feeling more and more embarrassed for her. Her upbeat and fake demeanor sent him to the verge of insanity as he stood in line, clenching his teeth, trying not to make his usual scene. It seemed like every little thing she did was something to get on his nerves; from her overly high voice to how she treated the campers like children.
I can't screw things up on the first day. Of the first hour. Of the first fucking minute.
Carol looked around, trying to make as much eye contact as possible and providing the grandest of gestures. It all got on Donny’s nerves. Every facial tick, every high inflection in her voice, the way she flung her hair to the side with every point she tried to make. He already had enough of a problem dealing with overly-friendly counselors and guardians over the years that the instant someone presented themselves in such a happy-go-lucky demeanor, his hate for them blew through the roof. Carol was no exception as she pressed all of his buttons. Even if he hadn’t developed such a hatred, he was sure it would have sprung up naturally. Although, campers’ annoyance with Carol was clearly nothing new, with an abundance of eye rolls and so much talking that it was made clear no one really respected her, especially not the veterans.
But still, it didn't help Donny take it any better. His luck had hit an all-time low with this assignment into the crazy group. It wasn't long before he had vivid day dreams of the cruel pranks he would pull on Carol, just to get her to break and leave. He had to stop himself. He needed to be good, Donny thought. Be a good boy.
"Okay, we need to get a start on forming those lifelong bonds all of you are craving . . . no?  You just don't know it yet. Trust me, at the end of all this, you'll be amazed how far we've all come in a month." Carol beamed with excitement.  
The other campers in the group looked normal enough. There were a set of twin girls, a fat ginger boy, a few preppy kids, two nerdy boys with Nintendo shirts, a girl with too much cleavage—or maybe just the right amount, Donny decided—and then a gangbanger looking kid, covered in tattoos. Was this where they put the delinquents?
Donny looked over at the other groups, wishing that he were with them instead. One of the counselors, Louie, looked like fun and didn't appear to be someone that liked to follow a schedule at all. He was busy showing his campers some kind of magic trick that ended in a resounding "Awh gross!" That group would have been good for Donny. Any group but his own.
The group directly next to theirs was headed by some handsome guy that Donny didn't catch the name of. All the girls in his group were swooning over him though. His tank top showed off his ripped physique, an easy ‘in’ with any girl that age. They seemed to be laughing at just about everything he was saying, but he didn’t look like he was funny. Or trying hard at all. In fact, they all just seemed to swoon over him naturally without him doing much of anything. Maybe he could teach me a thing or two.

"Earth to Donny.  Think we can have a minute of your time there, darling?" Carol had apparently been tried to get his attention for a while; all of the other campers were looking at him.
"Sorry, I was—" Before Donny could even finish, Carol was already back into what she was saying.
"Doesn't matter, you're here now. Now, this is one of my favorite parts of the first day of camp so you better listen up. Just kidding, you'll be on the edge of your seats regardless. Now, I need you to turn to the person next to you because you're gonna need a partner."
Donny turned to his left but that person had already turned to the person to their left. Turning to his right, he was also met with someone's back. This hadn't worked out at all. Looking around the group, he spotted a girl across without a partner so he walked over to her.  
"Now, you're going to be playing my favorite name game. You're going to ask for your partner’s name, then try and find an identifying feature on their face that associates with that name.  I'll give you an example. My name is . . .” Carol paused and waited for the campers to say her name back to her but she received no response. They just stood there, awkwardly waiting for her to continue, which took longer than it should have. "Okay, it's Carol, FYI. You're gonna have to be a little more vocal than that, millennials. So for Carol what I do is go to my ears. See, the outer part looks like a C, then the inner part looks like a lower case A. See that? Pretty cool, right?"
Carol ran her finger along her ear, trying to demonstrate her point but Donny couldn't help but just shake his head. This was the stupidest name game he had ever been a part of. Although, upon thinking about it, Donny wasn't sure exactly how many he'd participated in. This was still bottom of the heap.
"So with C and with A, I can immediately associate that with Carol," Carol said.
This is so fucking stupid, Donny thought, clearly sharing the same wavelength as the other campers shaking their heads.
"Some of you still look a little confused, which is fine, there are just so many examples for this that you'll get it in no time. Now I need a volunteer," Carol said. No hands raised and eyes tried to avoid contact with Carol's. At least no one else here is stupid enough to encourage her, Donny thought but right on cue, one of the twins raised her hand.
"Yes! Thank you, Alice—err, I mean—thank you ma'am. What is your name?" Carol asked, acting like she didn't know Alice.
"Uh… it's Alice," Alice answered the obvious.
"See, this is an easy one for me. Alice just happens to share the same cheekbones as Mr. head honcho over there," Carol said, pointing over at Al, who was on his way back to the main office, cussing about something. She still looked at him with eyes of endearment. "So, seeing those cheekbones makes me think Al, and then I can just go from there. Everyone get it?"
Yeah, we get that this is the stupidest name game in the history of stupid name games. The girl he was partnered with shared his annoyance with a snort.  
"This is the dumbest thing ever," she said under her breath, rolling her eyes. Maybe this group won't be so bad.
The girl was dirty blonde with a cute button nose and small green eyes. Donny couldn’t count the number of freckles that adorned her face but there were a lot. It all added up to one cute bundle and Donny knew he’d do anything to get to know her better. This was just the beginning.
"Okay, if you need any assistance, I'll be going around to groups. Try and get it quick because when we go through it as a group, you'll be expected to remember everyone not just your own partner. So get to it," Carol practically shouted.
Donny turned to his partner and gave her a half smile, which she returned. He felt like he’d already won half the battle.
"Samantha," she said, giving him her name and Donny did the same.
"We don't really have to do this, do we? I mean, this has to be one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done." Donny was relieved to see her crack up and lean in closely.
"I heard one of the twins say crazy lady over there always goes to every group, so we better do what psycho says," she whispered. They both looked over at Carol, who was with another group, telling them just how much the girl looked like a cat, something the girl clearly hated.
"So let's see… Samantha… Samantha…" Donny repeated the name to himself, looking at her face. She had very big blue eyes, with some kind of makeup on around them. Donny wasn't sure, makeup was the furthest from his specialty. Something that goes with eyes. Sam-eye-tha?
"You're thinking of Sam-eye-tha aren't you?" she said as if reading his mind.
"What? No, of course not. Don't be stupid. That’s stupid. I would come up with something so much more creative than that. Like, award-worthy creative," Donny said unconvincingly. His eyes moved down past her nose, it was small and arched upright. Reminded Donny of some girl he knew back at school. He wondered if that girl—
"Got anything there, Donboy?" Samantha interrupted his trained of thought.
"Hey, it's harder than it looks to come up with this. It's not like you—"
"Your name is Donny and you're wearing a purple shirt . . . do I really have to spell it out?" said Samantha. Donny wasn't sure if she was teasing him or not.
"I take it you mean…" Before Donny could even finish, Samantha was belting out the ninja turtles theme.
". . . Heroes in a half-shell. TURTLE POWER! Come on, man. This can't be the first time you're hearing this.” Samantha was right, it certainly wasn't. Donny had heard this many times throughout his childhood. He had even once made a few friends based solely on the fact the three other boys were named Mikey, Leo, and Ralph, which they figured was close enough. It ended fairly quickly once they found out he never really watched the Ninja Turtles. He found cartoons were dull, which was apparently a big no-no and Jefferson-Lincoln Elementary.
"The comparison or the awkward rendition?" Donny joked.
"I would assume both," she said, almost flirting. At least, that's what Donny got from it. Maybe she's just friendly. He hoped it was more.
"Okay well maybe I can just—"
"How's it coming along, campers?" Carol asked out of nowhere. She had somehow snuck up on them. Donny just nodded his head and smiled.
"I think we've got it all. He's Donny. Like the ninja turtle," Samantha said, somehow cuter this time. Donny questioned whether he even wanted to answer Carol’s question, but before he could even naturally follow Samantha, Carol was butting in. She was already asking a question.
"And how about you, Donny? What did you come up with for Samantha here?"
He’d had enough of her. The dollish smile, the high pitched voice, everything. She could go ask one of the other groups, because he wasn’t having it. "Nothing. Her name's Samantha. I got it."
"Well how else is everyone supposed to know that her name is Samantha?" Carol asked with the same chipperness, but a little pushier.
"Hey everyone," Donny said loudly so the others in the group would hear. "This is Samantha. I'm Donny. It’s very nice to meet you."
"Okay, okay, thank you very much Mr. Jones," Carol said. She raised her hands in the air, motioning everyone to settle down, even though the outburst had only come from Donny. "But that doesn't really help them associate anything. You're a big smart guy. I'm sure you can think of something. Give it a try."
"No," Donny said defiantly.
"I'm sorry, what was that?" Carol asked.
"I guarantee you that they'll know our names before they know anyone else's," said Donny, motioning to the others in the group, who just looked on, amused by the situation. They'll know them because you're making this into such a fucking big deal, Donny thought, the anger boiling inside him.
"I highly doubt that," said Carol who rolled her eyes at the notion. She just refused to be wrong.
Donny wasn’t going to take it; he was going to stand his ground if he wanted something. He wasn’t going to bend to her just because she was an adult. He was going to stand up for what he thought and he thought the whole thing was stupid.
"I said, no. I don't need to play your stupid memory games. I know her name. It's Samantha you dumb fucking cunt.”

This wouldn't be the first time that Donny was sent to an office for punishment and it wasn’t likely to be his last either.

Chapter 17.5: “Donny”



Donny stood in the cabin in absolute terror. His mind was flooded with a thousand thoughts, each more terrified than the last. His would-be tormentor sat on his own bed. Staring up at him. Mocking him. How this small piece of cloth could ever be categorized as swim trunks, Donny would never know. These may have been fashionable trunks back in the 60's but it was social suicide to wear them now.
Maybe that was Carol's plan. Maybe she wanted to make Donny a pariah so that ousting him was easy. God knows every other adult had a problem with him, it couldn't be too difficult to turn the rest of the campers against him too. It wasn't like Donny had a choice though. After his second blowup with Carol, telling her he didn't bring any swim trunks because he "doesn't fuck swim", the pot just seemed to be stirred further. This didn't seem to sit well with her and it resulted in another trip to the office. Al was nice enough the first time but now that Carol was in charge, it felt more like dealing with an SS officer. It's not like Donny wanted to be here. He wasn't trying to be a problem. Something about Carol just didn't rub him the right way and she always seemed to push all his buttons. Reminded him of his mom.
So when he was faced with the decision to either put on the uncomfortably short camp swim trunks or to be sent back to the juvenile home, he took on the embarrassing situation with teeth gritted. Sliding the trunks on, he had no idea how on earth he was going to handle being in them all day long. Showing off his skinny legs was the least of his worries. He was just concerned about the boners.
Donny was at the age where erections were a daily, hourly, hell sometimes minutely concern. He wasn't sure when they'd pop and for how long, so like any reasonable teenage boy, he left boxers behind for briefs to contain them. These white trunks were going to be leaving nothing to the imagination. And doing the usual 'stick-up-into-the-waistband' routine wasn't going to work in these either. I'm destined for embarrassment.
As much as he had been looking forward to finally getting to see Sam in a bikini, all that prior excitement had turned to dread.  Now he'd have to fill his mind with baseball and card games, anything to keep his mind off whatever body god bestowed her.  Stupid Al.  Ruining everything.
Donny finally succumbed, slipping the swim trunks on and putting everything on display in the process.  He was alone in the cabin but even then, he felt uncomfortable with how much he was showing.  The trunks were too tight and could help identify his religion if examined close enough.  This was the last thing he wanted to deal with.

The cat-calls started the moment Donny walked out of the cabin and started towards the lake. He still had a shirt on, and a towel covered up the goods, but everyone could still get a pretty good look at the suit, or lack-there-of. Uncomfortable didn't begin to describe it. Everything was so bright that he had to shield his eyes, also able to shield his embarrassment. Getting to the lake, it just became brighter and brighter. He never wanted his eyes to adjust to the light.
Eventually they did and an angelic voice rang out.
"Get on over here, stud."
Samantha was laying out on a towel, leaned up on one elbow as she waved over to him. Her red bikini matched the red lipstick she also wore. Red lipstick? Oh you are so in, Donny thought, confident in his chances with her.
"You have no idea how embarrassing this is right now," he said, looking around like a scared puppy.
"I think I have an idea."
"Oh yeah, I forgot that time they put you in some swimsuit from the 1950's that hadn't been washed in thirty years. Yeah, that must have been pretty rough for you." Donny took a seat next to her, but still didn't lay the towel down, using it to shield himself from prying eyes.
"You totally did it to yourself. I bet had you answered like a regular person and not a bad boy you probably could have gotten some trunks from another guy. You just pissed off the wrong person," she said, looking in the direction of Carol, who had taken up in the sole lifeguard stand. She had clearly been in the water recently because her hair was wet and dripping. She looked like a wet rat.
"She was asking for it. She didn’t have to call me out on it like that." Donny glared at Carol, who sat up there with a big smile on her face. She even wore a stupid one piece. Someone should probably let her know what year it is.
"She asked you if you could go put on your trunks. That's what people do when swimming is on the agenda."
"Yeah, well she didn't have to do it in front of everybody. It was embarrassing," Donny exclaimed, realizing how stupid he sounded.
"You certainly made the right decision then," said Samantha, laying back down on her towel and closing her eyes, soaking up the sun’s rays.
Was this how it'd be all summer? Was he just going to be dealing with the wrath of Carol until finally she'd kick him out? Dammit Donny why can't you just behave?
"You think you can get my lower back. I think I missed it."
The words had come to Donny in a foreign tongue at first, until his brain was finally able to decipher what she said.
"Like . . . Lotion?"
"No, I left that body part back in my cabin -- yes, the lotion, silly," she giggled.
"Yeah, I can do that. Of course. My specialty." Donny couldn't have been more nervous. He hadn't even gotten to second base yet and was constantly worried he'd have a stereotypical "early finish."
He touched her soft skin and . . . Nothing happened. No electricity. His hand was just touching skin, nothing more or less. It didn't mean anything special, it didn't do much of anything. He chuckled to himself that he even thought it was going to be some insane boner inducer. Then it hit.
It took rubbing on her smooth skin for an extended period for another part is his body to catch up, and extend as well. As soon as he noticed it, he thought it was too late. He practically felt his erection resting on her back. It'd only be worse once it went full mast and became more noticeable in his trunks. He needed to act fast.
"Okay, looks good," said Donny, quickly rolling off of her and onto his stomach.
Samantha said thanks and started up with some story about this time on vacation but Donny was a million miles away, trying to think of anything that would make him less aroused and hearing about her bikini time wasn't going to help any. Baseball. They bounced around in his head as he searched for anything to get his mind off it.
"…I couldn't believe that he had done it but you know? He totally did it. So that was really cool."
"Oh yeah, I'm sure. Sounds awesome."
“Yeah, it was really cool to—oh my god. Sarah, you are not even doing that.” Samantha must have been talking about the girl on the boy’s shoulders off in the shallow end of the lake because she ran off to them, forgetting she was in the middle of a story.
He sat there for a moment, debating whether or not to go in the lake but he quickly washed away that notion. Before he knew it, it was gone and he was fast asleep.

Donny couldn't have been out more than ten minutes when the whistles and screaming started.  He didn't know what was happening at first, just that campers from all around were gathering towards the beach and Carol was no longer up in the lifeguard stand.  It didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened. He started to worry when he noticed that Samantha was no longer lying next to him.
Standing up, he walked over through the massive crowd of people, trying to catch any glimpse of her blonde hair. It seemed as though he saw everything but that, with all the kids from the camp seemingly converging on the beach to get a look at all the drama.
He made his way up through the crowd, trying to spot Samantha to make sure she was safe.  He saw her towards the water, talking to someone.  He tried to reach her but lost her again amongst all the commotion. The sea of people made it impossible. He stepped away from everyone, trying to see if he could spot her from afar but it was more like playing a game of "Where Is Waldo?" with a colorblind man.
"Hey dipshit, quit being a creeper." Alice and Nancy had apparently taken notice of his staring at the crowd as they lay out on their towels, the latter shouting out.
"Have you seen Samantha?" He got straight to the point, not even wanting to acknowledge the attitude.
"I think I saw her over at the archery but I don't know. That could have been some other blonde bimbo." It was like Alice thought she was saying something nice but the words never matched up and all that came out was venom.
"Just because she dyes her hair doesn't make her some whore." Donny tried standing up for her.
There was no use though, the twins had made up their mind and this was how they were going to be acting today. And he had better things to do. At least now he had some idea of where to look.
They must have gotten the drowned kid up and around because the crowd behind him started to disperse and go back to what they were doing before. Donny continued on, hoping he could get over to the range before the others could catch up. Maybe he could get a few smooches in with her. She did let him put sunscreen on her.
He rounded the corner of the hail bails—all set up behind the targets to prevent wild shots—with all the hope in the world. Everything came crashing down as he got a full view of the range and all it had to offer. Samantha was at the farther end, her tongue down the throat of some guy—Donny thought his name was Lucas.
What was she doing? More importantly how could she do this? She had been showing interest in Donny the entire summer, always by his side or trying to find him so that they could talk about something.  Had she actually not been?  Had he been reading this wrong the entire time.  Did she not even care about him?  Was he just another stepping stone on her way to some other guy?
Donny couldn't stand it any longer and rushed out towards the edge of the treeline and disappeared. He passed by tree after tree, deeper and deeper into the forest.  He didn't want anyone to be around for what he was about to do.
“How could you do this?” Donny sobbed, walking out onto the range. He startled Samantha and Lucas, who quickly buttoned up and turned to him.
“What the fuck do you want, bro?” asked Lucas, tightening his fists.
“I’m not talking to you…asshole!” he turned to Samantha. “How could you do this to me?”
The look of confusion that covered Samantha’s face was one that would haunt him for the rest of his life. He didn’t even need any words to escape her mouth because her face had said more than enough. She wasn’t interested in him and had no intention of going out with him. He had just seen what he wanted. He was just a fool.
He had already begun imagining how they would manage their long distance relationship—something that would have become more manageable once they were out of high school. It was all going to be so perfect. How could she even do this to him? Was she even thinking?
Donny knew what the problem. It was that guy. That stupid no good piece of shit was taking advantage of her. She just didn't know what was happening and was confused. That's it. She couldn't have done this to him. All those words. Those long conversations. She couldn't have just been leading him on. She wouldn't do that. Donny stared at Lucas, wanting more than anything to just punch him in the face. Maybe by knocking him out, then Samantha would realize the error in her ways. Standing there, he just couldn’t take anymore and stormed off into the forest, needing to get away from the newly minted lovebirds.

By the time Donny finally stopped, he didn't recognize any of the forest around him. Usually he could hear the lake or the sound of campers in the distance but not here. He had come from the house, which meant he was already pretty deep into foreign territory. He should have been paying closer attention when he first set off. But that wasn’t his fault, he was seeing red and just needed to focus on his breathing.
In the distance, the branches seemed to move, but Donny couldn't decide if it was just his eyes playing tricks on him or not. It wouldn't be the first time he had had misinterpreted something right in front of him.
God, you’re so stupid!
He was over coming up with excuses for her. She probably was just being nice to him and didn't mean to lead him on. She was probably just looking for a friend. Which is what he should have been looking for too. He should have just assumed she wasn't into him. Why would she be? She was beautiful and probably had her choice of guy back home. Hell, she probably even had a boyfriend back there.
He should have known better.
But how could he have known? She seemed into him or at least showed all the signs of it. How could he have gotten it so wrong? She had to have led him on. There was nothing else that made sense. If she was into him, she would have chased after him. Instead he was alone in the woods, without a soul in sight.
Behind him, a twig snapped and the world went black.

Abstract


The line between creation and manipulation is ever waning, yet does it really even matter? What is true to one, can be blasphemy to another so who can truly declare right from wrong? What can we ever hope to accomplish if we never bring those copacetic thoughts to the forefront? Will we be destined to forget those that made these same mistakes so that we wouldn’t have to? Can we ever escape the constructs that have so carefully been placed around us for centuries? Those thoughts that bite as us in the night, jolting our brains into concise yet abstract thought, will they ever come to fruition? Will we continue down the path of destruction or will we rebuild atop the ruins of the past? Forging onward, is this destiny or is this fate? Is this all? Does it really matter? Does it?

No.

Best of 2016


2016 has sucked in a lot of ways. It seemed like every other day something shitty was happening in some form or another. But with all of its suckiness, one aspect that didn't take a hit was the entertainment. So here we go, I'm going to be going through the major components. If I don't feel like I can really give a definitive list, then I'll just post a ramble.

MOVIES

1.  The Conjuring 2
2.  Everybody Wants Some
3.  Deadpool
4.  The Magnificent Seven
5.  Hush
6.  Green Room
7.  Captain America: Civil War
8.  Hunt for the Wilderpeople
9.  The Witch
10. Warcraft

I was so glad that I was able to include 4 different horror movies on my list this year (including in the ultimate spot). As much as I love the genre, rarely is it able to really take over my top ten list of the year in terms of quality. This year has really done a great job of changing that though. The Conjuring 2, Hush, Green Room, and The Witch are just killer.

I still haven't seen Doctor Strange, Rogue One, or countless awards movies. I know that there are some shocking inclusions (Warcraft is actually good? Yes, go see it now. It's fantastic.) but it's my list dammit!

TV SHOWS

I'm not sure if I could even do an order for TV shows this year as there are hardly ten shows that I even watch throughout the year and the ones I do are consistent with last year. Scream Queens, while still good, isn't quite on par with its stellar first season. Thankfully shows like Son of Zorn have picked up the slack in Network TV providing some shockingly good television.

I'm still not understanding the point of cable outside of live sports and it's getting to the point where I may join the ranks of cord cutters again. Hulu and Netflix are able to provide me with all the content I could hope for. And with Game of Thrones ending soon, HBO is going to have to come up with some more shows to make their services worth it.

VIDEO GAMES

I'm not even sure of all the games that I played this year but these are the ones that I have stuck with me (nothing quite as profound as last year's Life Is Strange).

1.  Titanfall 2
2.  Inside
3.  Battlefield 1
4.  Watchdogs 2
5.  Doom
6.  Mafia 3

Keepin it Positive


Things are too negative these days. I contribute to it on a daily basis and am trying my best to avoid it, especially with recent events. So here's a whole bunch of positive thoughts to try and drown out all of the nonsense.

  • I have a lot of great people in my life. Sometimes its easy to take it all for granted but I've been trying to do better. I try to text people more and respond in a more timely matter. I'm still awful about phone calls but I'm trying. Here's hoping this focus on optimism furthers my own goals/happiness.

  • UFC 205 is right around the corner and, like millions around the globe, I couldn't be more excited. While McGregor/Alvarez is certainly the spectacle of the show, there are other fantastic bouts in Woodley/Wonderboy and Joanna/Karolina (if you thought I was going to try and spell their last names, you're crazy). This is looking like it could be the greatest card in UFC history while simultaneously making history in epic proportion with New York's first ever.

  • The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim Special Edition came out recently and it's just as incredible as I'd hoped for. No matter how much I played the game on 360, nothing quite compares to playing it on a top of the line PC and the SE is no different with brilliant graphics that only get better with a little modding here or there. Those that have been running Skyrim with mods won't really see much of a change but for us lowly console gamers, it's a look at Skyrim through brand new eyes.

  • This ended up being a fantastic year for horror. Insidious: Chapter 3, The Conjuring 2, Don't Breathe, Hush, and Lights Out all provided a much needed jolt to the public's horror nerve. These are all stylish and try to carve their own path in the horror world. Just like so many other horror directors before them, I can see these guys (especially Fede Alvarez) really moving on to greatness.

  • The Mass Effect trilogy was recently released to EA Access as well as XBOX One Backward Compatibility. So in other news: I won't have much of a life for the next few months. As much as I was hoping for a fancy new remaster, I'm happy to not have to repurchase a bunch of games I already own. And EA Access has helped me forgo the distance that exists between myself and my physical copies of these games, meaning I can start my adventures aboard the Normandy all over again.

  • Joe Rogan's latest Standup Special "Triggered" was released recently and, while I'm not always a fan of Rogan's standup, he really went above and beyond for this special. His casual demeanor carries over well and since he actually has some decent points to make, it makes the jokes stronger as a result. While it's not going to change your life, it's definitely a lighthearted way to spend an hour.

  • So apparently The Vision is awesome? I've really fallen off of comic books and only recently got caught up on Batman (which, even without Scott Snyder, is awesome) so I was shocked to hear that a comic based on the Vision was the top comic around. Consider me pleasantly surprised because I always love when lesser Marvel characters start getting some love (Black Widow, Miss Marvel, Moon Knight). I have all the current issues loaded up on my Kindle and I can't wait to dive in.

  • Insomnia Theatre has really been a lot of fun. I'm not sure if you've been keeping up but my friend Dom and I have been doing these fun little commentaries over Public Domain horror movies. It's a great way for us to shoot the shit while also doing something we love while also feeling just a little bit productive in the process. I've really enjoyed it, as I love B Horror Movies and don't feel like I've seen nearly enough. While not always first time viewings for Dom, they are almost always completely new for me. And we both completely understand if you don't have the time to listen as they do run the full length of the films we watch but we appreciate it nonetheless.

  • I started playing DnD and I've officially entered super nerd territory. I'd always avoided the game because it had a certain connotation to it but after several close friends repeatedly recommended it to me, I finally succumbed. I have to admit, it's a lot of fun. I've always been a very imaginative person so I figured I'd have fun with the game but I wasn't expecting to know so much about the game already. Every RPG I've ever played has borrowed from DnD so the transition was rather easy. While my friends and I just do it over voice chat at this point, I can see it being loads more fun being in person. But as of now it's a great way to keep in touch with friends on a weekly basis.

Insomnia Theatre

Anyone that knows me knows I love me some horror movies. My good friend Dom also loves horror movies. So it made sense for us to combine forces and celebrate horror movies in the only way we know how: making fun of them.

Insomnia Theatre is basically just Dom and I providing a commentary for random Public Domain Horror Movies. Why Public Domain? Well we want to make it as easy as possible and PD is the only way we can include both the video and our audio all in one spot (unless we wanted to pay exorbitant licensing fees for legit movies which would never happen). Are we going to provide the level of insight that a cast/crewmember would provide? Of course not, but if you like a friendly conversation over an old horror movie filled with plenty of ball-busting, swearing, and laughs.

Check out the first four episodes below.



NOTE: Episode 3 has a copyright claim from some asshole producers who don't understand that the film is in the US Public Domain. So get it while you can.

Auditorium of Horror

Well I missed Halloween. Spent an entire month doing a bunch of stuff, most of which was non-Halloween related. Younger Tyler would have been so disappointed. Unfortunately, I just didn't have the time nor the heart to continue with my "31 Days of Halloween/Horror" for another year. Instead, I opted just to enjoy the month without limitations and it ended up being one of the more memorable Halloween experiences of my life, with something I'm hoping to add to subsequent years: a trip to the theaters.

I was recently lucky enough to be able to see two classic horror movies in movie theaters: The Shining and Halloween. If you know me, then you know that those are two of my absolute favorite films of all time and have been since I was a teen. So the while the idea of seeing this films in an auditorium may have crossed my mind, it never came across as a feasible option. Thankfully 2016 has provided a bountiful harvest of horror films in the theater that I'm actually able to pick and choose which I wanted to see, and the choices were obvious.


As much as a I love The Shining, it's run-time can certainly be wearing, especially given the slower pace of the extended version (which was what we saw). While I prefer the Kubrick Cut for it's more frantic pace/less supernatural elements, I still love this version to death. It's a journey into insanity, only being rivaled by A Nightmare On Elm Street and The Descent.


Halloween was an otherworldly experience. I never in a million years would have thought that I'd be able to see that movie in theaters and the quality was superb; the best I've ever seen the film look. While The Shining was clearly just an okay transfer likely taken from the Bluray, Halloween felt absolutely pristine. I'm still not entirely sure what format we saw it in, but whatever it was, it provided a look unlike any other.

While I can't vouch for every Fathom Event (apparently their presentation of Halloween last year was poorly done with low quality sound and a darkened image) but they seem to have worked out all the kinks for this recent cycle, and I can't recommend it enough. Here's hoping they switch it up next year and I'm able to cross a few more essentials off my list.

Random Thoughts for September 2016

I actually really liked Independence Day Resurgence. When I first saw it I kind of dismissed it and only recently upon reflection really enjoyed it. Sure, it's ridiculous beyond all comprehension, but it's still a really good time at the movies. Jeff Goldblum looks to be having a fantastic time, continuing on in his classic role from the original. Really, the only thing that really didn't sit well with me was the exclusion of Will Smith's character in a silly fashion. I'm sure they did it so that they could potentially bring him back for the sequel, but who knows if that's even going to happen now. Let's be clear: it's a terrible movie. I just enjoyed it.

I'm ready for Ronda Rousey to be back. The UFC Women's Bantamweight division has been sorely lacking since her hiatus. Holm, after destroying Tate for five rounds, lost the belt she earned from Rousey due to a rear naked choke she had escaped from earlier. Then "Cupcake" Tate put on a terrible title fight performance (after barely making weight, one minute before the time limit) against Amanda Nunez. Holm lost a fight to who is now the next contender, Valentina Schevchenko. A woman who lost a decision to Nunez that could have easily gone her way. Schevchenko is going to destroy Nunez, thus giving us ANOTHER champion in barely a year. Rousey is an animal. I've watched a lot of elite MMA fighters and Rousey is in a league of her own. She got overly emotional and thought she was invincible. She knows that's not the case now and, in a division that's playing hot potato with the title, it's only a matter of time before the queen returns to her throne.

UFC 202 was incredible and there is no controversy. It's unfortunate because the same type of thing happens with any big fight and I have a hard time being mad at it because without that kind of fight, I would have never been able to get into the sport (Rousey/Holm was my first PPV). There just happen to be several points of contention between those that watch the sport regularly and those that just tune in for big events, looking for knockouts. Conor wasn't running. The greatest ref in the entire game, Big John McCarthy, said he wasn't running. Watch more fighting if you think he was.

I don't like the casting of Zendaya as Mary Jane Watson. Apparently that makes me racist. She's a gorgeous young woman who is absolutely super model quality but she's not MJ. She's not a red-head and she's not Caucasian which, given the character's importance to a lot of people, I think is a slap in the face to fans everywhere. And please don't be fooled, it's racist. Just because it's a white person being changed, doesn't suddenly change the rules. If you want Peter Parker to be dating a black girl (which I'm totally down with) then create a new character for him to date, don't take one of the most popular Gingers in all of comics and take away a hero from children and adults alike.

I always like to pick an "underdog" team to root for every NFL season. Usually my pick is the Oakland Raiders but they don't really need it anymore. They have Derek Carr, Latavius Murray, Amari Cooper and a helluva great offensive line. They don't really need it. So instead I'll be rooting for the St Louis Los Angeles Rams. They've always had a team I liked but it never looked like it was worth investing in. And don't worry, I'll still root for the Patriots over anybody. I'm not losing my mind completely.

CM Punk fights for the first time tonight. And I couldn't be more excited. If you know me, you know that my favorite Professional Wrestler of all time is CM Punk. He is a big reason why I got back into wrestling back in 2009 and am forever grateful for that fact. Will he win tonight? It's anyone's guess but I know who I'll be rooting for and who my money is on. Win, lose, or draw, we're in for one helluva fight.

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